i am sitting here in the dark,
in a way that feels vaguely self-pitying
but i realize i am still hibernating beneath
this weighted blanket.
i felt the dark descend.
it didn’t surround until eight,
which means summer is close
from here the days are longer
than the nights.
from here, we start to grow again.
i’ve stored sap within my veins,
my body clogged with carbs,
i need to tap this tree and let the
words flow, or drip drip drip
onto the page.
i need to scream.
or just sit here in this silence.
bask in the complete darkness
beyond this screen,
a meditation on emptiness,
while i feel so bloated.
an utter aloneness.
this feels like a treasure
so much more than any curse
i’d offer up.
my cave is cool and quiet,
my heartbeat still strong and steady.
i don’t move to find food
or make tea,
my body has what it needs,
knows what it needs tonight.
tonight, i just sit here, in a lull
of grief and presence.
held by all i’ve feared,
welcomed by the
absence as much as any
coming dawn.
